Spike is so cool!
by Shippy1
Summary: Written for Kantayra's challenge -- S7, any time during the period when Spike and Andrew are both at Buffy's house.


**In response to Kantayra's challenge #3.  Details after story.**  
  
"And here we are – in the Summers home, AKA – command central." I lower my voice, we learned about that in art class. It adds drama. "To the left here, we see Buffy, the slayer. Kind of like in star wars when –" I pause. I can distinctly remember that art teacher telling us it was bad to go off topic. "I walk up to her quietly, like a tiger stalking it's –" Can Buffy be prey? No, slayers can't be prey. "I walk up to her quietly, like a tiger stalking a slayer." There. Betteer.  
  


  
"So, as I was saying, here we are at the Summers house, where the slayer is eating that thing that makes slayers strong." A mental note: Must ask to try some of her raison brand. "At her side, the always faithful, innocent looking witch. But you know, she's not really innocent. Actually, she tried to kill me a few times, oh and she tried to end the world too. And she's a lesbian."  
  


  
"Pan over to the subject of her affections, a potential whose name is Senedy. Or Kennedy. So Senedy/Kennedy is now leaning over Willow, trying to hide what she's doing." I try to angle the camera to the left, wanting to see what's so interesting on the front of Willow's shirt. "Maybe they're plotting world destruction down there," I whisper into the camera. If I catch it on film their dirty secrets will be revealed, and I, Andrew, will be Buffy's right hand girl. Man."   
  
  
  
Using the skills I learned when I was evil I casually walk up in front of Willow and lean against the counter, secretly pressing the button that turns the camera on.  
  
  
  
"My dear viewers, you are now going to learn the secret of the world destruction being planned on Willow's shirt," I whisper, slowly turning the camera to her. "Hey, that's not fair! They're groping, not planning world destruction!"  
  
  
  
In my disappointment I yell that out, blushing when everyone gives me a strange look. Or in the case of Spike, the resident vam-pyre, a strange growl. A Kind of dark and mysterious, coming up from his stomach type of growl.  
  
  
  
"How long are you going to poke that thing at us, Andrew?" Buffy, the slayer of vam-pyres asks as she surrenders a piece of her waffle to the one standing next to her, all the while glaring at me.   
  
  
  
"Oh let him have it," Spike, also known as William the Bloody, says. "It'll keep him busy, and stop the endless star wars references."  
  
  
  
I gasp, aiming the camera at myself.   
  
  
  
"And, my dear viewers, it seems that a miracle has occurred. Spike, the killer of all things has defended me! Maybe he's a kindred spirit, kind of like in Xena, where Gabrielle is like her soulmate."  
  
  
  
My new kindred spirit growls at me again, snapping the camera out of my hands and handing it to Buffy. He's just trying to hide how alike we are.   
  
  
  
Buffy puts the camera on the table, and after a minute I grab it again, going off into the hallway.   
  
  
  
"Even though he may try to deny it, I know the truth," I tell my viewers. "When you think about it, we're so alike. We've both been evil, although of course," I pause, giving a modest laugh. "Old Spike couldn't even in his evilest dreams imagine the evil things I've done. And now, we're both on the road of redemption, seeking to forever hide the crimes of our pasts!"   
  
  
  
There's a knock on the bathroom door, where I've hidden myself. It opens, and there is Xander, part of the Scooby Gang.   
  
  
  
"Xander," I say grandly, not rising from my comfortable and elegant seat on the toilet. "You have come to tell the dear viewers about your place in the Scooby Gang."  
  
He looks nervous, eyes darting around the bathroom as he shifts his weight.  
  
  
  
"I have? And here I thought I just needed to pee."  
  
  
  
Oh. Not nervous, just in need of relieving himself.  
  
  
  
"Andrew get out of there," calls Buffy's voice from the kitchen, and I follow the supreme leader of all things on earth. Or in this house. There, beside her, stands Spike, my kindred spirit. I immediately attach myself to him – he'll protect me.  
  
  
  
He's still trying to maintain the appearance of hatred between us, edging further away from me and closer to Buffy, but I am not fooled.  
  
  
  
"So Spike, would you like to tell us about your evil days," I ask, hoping to spark a conversation on a topic we both have so much sad history with. The camera is pointed at his face.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, I'd love to," he says, moving closer to the camera. I beam. "When I was evil, I went around and snapped the neck of any git with a camera who annoyed me. Want a demonstration?"   
  
  
  
If possible, I beam brighter. He's willing to demonstrate!   
  
  
  
"No that's okay, but we could always swap ideas of evil things to do!" I tell him brightly.  
  
  
  
My soulmate rolls his eyes, looking pleadingly around the kitchen. I think he wants them to leave so he can be alone with me, so I lean against the counter, imitating his sexy and dangerous stance. Then, I casually place my hand over his, in an imitation of the handshake the kindred spirits do in Star Wars.   
  
  
  
He yelps, jumping away from me and to the other corner of the kitchen. Willow seems to have finally stopped groping her girlfriend, and grins slyly at Spike.   
  
  
  
"Anything you want to tell us?" She says.  
  
  
Buffy looks furiously first at Willow, then at Spike. Then she glowers at me. What did I do?  
  
  
  
"Not on your bloody life!" He's still in denial. "That's it, I'm never being nice again!"  
  
  
  
Buffy grins, coming up and patting Spike on his very muscular shoulder.  
  
  
  
"The nice rules don't apply to house hostages," she tells him brightly and he smiles back at her.  
  
  
  
"Hey! Hands off my soulmate!"   
  
  
  
They both roll their eyes, attempting to make it look like Spike isn't the only one for me. I march over to them, grabbing Spike's hand.  
  
  
  
"I don't know, Spike." Willow says. "Maybe you two would look cute together!"  
  
He looks absolutely terrified of anyone thinking two evil beings such as ourselves would look cute, and wretches his hand away from my own, moving yet again to the opposite side of the kitchen.  
  
  
  
"Ha! It's not so funny when you're on the receiving end of all the homoerotic comments, now, is it?"  
  
  
  
That was Xander, who a few days ago was thinking of going gay when his mysterious date turned to be some evil being who wanted to kill him.  
  
  
  
Spike and Xander share an understanding look over the top of my head. Now Xander's trying to take my soulmate too! I try to move closer to claim his attention but he darts behind Buffy, grinning sheepishly.  
  
  
  
"Okay, here's the plan for the day," she says. "Spike, you and me should go try to find more of those wacky seal things. Xander, grab Anya and go look for any places where a thousand or so uber-vamps might be hiding. Willow and Kennedy, could you two try to get all these potentials into shape? Like, show them basic training skills and stuff."  
  
They all nod, moving to do as their leader requested.   
  
  
  
"Hey, what about me?" I whine. "I want to help Spike, soulmates keep each other safe!"  
  
  
  
"Andrew, you go and heat up some blood for Spike, he should drink something before going out. We'll wait in the hallway"  
  
  
  
"Right!" I say, happily going into the basement to get the packets of blood. I put them in the microwave, making sure my soulmate gets the exact right temperature.  
  
  
  
"Okay, I'm ready!" I call out, heading to the hallway where my kindred spirit is waiting for me.   
  
  
  
I see an open door, and two figures quickly disappearing behind one of the houses on Revello.  
  
  
  
I sigh – he's still trying to run from the truth.

  
Requirements:   
  
Setting: S7, any time during the period when Spike and Andrew are both at Buffy's house.   
  
Pairing: None...well, maybe Andrew fantasizing about Andrew/Spike.   
  
Length: Short ficlet.   
  
Basic Plot Elements:   
  
Just a funny short story where Andrew's *ahem* interest in Spike becomes obvious to the vamp, and Spike naturally gets freaked out. I want typical goofy Andrew-ness, and getting Spike to hide from him is an extra plus. Bonus points for having Xander tell Spike: "Ha! It's not so funny when you're on the receiving end of all the homoerotic comments, now, is it?" I don't want actual slash here; just plenty of wacky humor  
  



End file.
